Diary of a Common Cold

They say I'll last only 7-10 days.  We'll see about that.  This old dude is about to be beat down by one nasty creature.  60 somethings only get on average 1 cold a year.  Maybe this will be his last or maybe he'll make it.  Stay tuned.

12/19/2009: The host did a recovery 6 mile run followed by a "Sports" massage.  Later that day Grandson number 2 who is 14 months sneezed in host's face.  The cute little guy is a Day Care junkie and chronic carrier of God only knows how many bugs, viruses, and plagues.   His father claims the child plus his brother are the cause of most of the world's medical crises.  Until now the host has smugly denied this as HE had not been affected.  He is in superior condition as described by the Cooper Institute.  His stress test is stamped "superior" and he has a t-shirt that says so!  While Father was chronically sick, Grandfather who held the same child, cleaned the same noses was somehow insulated from disease.  At least until tomorrow.

12/20/2009: Host woke with a "slight" headache.  Temples on both sides were tender to touch.  Perhaps these will become the "Temples" of virus Doom.  Undeterred, host proceeded to the gym to perform at a high if not somewhat reduced intensity.  A workout of about 1400 calories, put a tiny crack in his immunity.  A tiny crack is all a virus needs to enter and overwhelm the immune system.  Host notices sore throat in the early evening, and thinks, "Oh, this is not a good thing."  He starts sucking on Chloraseptic Throat Lozenges.

12/21/2009: Host wakes to headache, sore throat, aches, and lots of sinus congestion.  The mucus Army is doing it's job, to wash that nasty viruses like us from the mucus membranes in the nose, mouth and throat.  There is no "cure" for viral infections.  The only defense is the body's immune system, the white blood cell army.  The battle is on, virus attacks, white blood cells rush to the area, and mucus is produced to wash away the virus.  The Host is engaged in a full fledged war.

12/22/2009: A virus exists for one reason, to multiply.  This isn't some casual sexual affair, or monagamous relationship.  No, this is full-time in your face (no pun intended)full  frontal nudity all the time, all out multiplication.  It's most active at night because body temperature and heart rate drops.  The body of the host resists by raising the body temperature to fight the fight.  A low grade fever is the result and is natural.  Efforts to reduce the temperature above 102 are well founded, but taking aspirin to reduce a low grade fever is thought to be counter productive and even dangerous.

On this day the host is missing the endorphines from working out and despite being a little tired decides to take a 1 hour walk that turns into 1 1/2 hours.  Although he feels better afterwards, the net result is that the virus will make him pay that night.

5:00 am: What day is this?  We're busy at work and this dumb shit is rinsing us with saline rinse!  Oh, yuck.  He's washing away all that rotting nasty green mucus along with thousands of our virus friends.  It's going to take more than 30 rinses to get rid of us, so rinse on you sorry son of a bitch!  We got more pain coming, revenge for the destruction of our brothers!  He's also using a 50/50 mix of water and hydrogen peroxide to rinse his mouth to fix the mouth sores.  This shouldn't be done for more than 3-4 times a day for 3 days.  Hopefully, he'll OD on peroxide!

Viruses are superior to Bacteria because bacteria can be killed by anti-biotics.  Viruses are destroyed by acid, heat, and white blood cells.  Mucus washes us away to be spit out or decompose in stomach acid.  Many Doctors prescribe anti-biotics in the mistaken belief that they will help a cold.  They don't.  In fact, over-prescribing of anti-biotics is resulting in a strain of super anti-biotic resistance bacteria.  Create a cocktail of those little devils with a few of my virus friends and you got the hospital or perhaps in our dreams the city morgue in sight.

5:30 am: Host is back to sleep.  We never sleep.....

12/23/2009:  Host must alter his normal sleep position to elevate his head.  Otherwise he feels like he is suffocating.  Naturally, this affects his neck, shoulders, and back which contributes nicely to the overall misery.  The pictures of the mucus concentrations in his sinus cavities demonstrated the sheer quantity of mucus being produced.  We sure know how to make this poor bastard miserable.  Between sore throat, swelled tender glands, mouth sores, plugged sinus cavities, and sore muscles it's not wonder he screamed, "JUST STICK A KNIFE IN MY HEAD!" at 1 am.  Poor bastard, LOL!  Did that make him feel better, no, we think not.

Fever helps destroy us, but the host thinks he's getting worse.  Fact is that his immune system is working all out, 24/7.  Host feels exhausted, but all of his energy needs to be directed to getting rid of us before we kill him.  Ideally, he ignores the signs, takes all kinds of meds to cover up the syptoms which are in truth is his immune system at work.  We hope he eats poorly, goes out in the cold, gets little rest, and stops that aweful saline cleanse.  Go get drunk or something!  Once we get past his nose and throat we head for the vitals...his heart, kidneys, etc.  Once we attach to his heart we can do serious damage and make him a more receptive host.

12/24/2009: We think we'll let him feel "better" so he can contribute to our victory.  The sore throat won't be so sore for a few hours.  We're just taking a short term break waiting for nightfall.  More postnasal drip, sorethroat, headache, etc. etc. etc.  Oh, look at that nasty green gunk our host is coughing up.  The books say that's not good.  We hope not!

12/25/2009:  Ah,Christmas is here.  It's the perfect storm of the Common Cold world.  We couldn't have planned this better.  We have an opportunity to make history.  Nobody skips Christmas because of a "common cold" especially with cute huggable snot and virus infested Grandchildren.  Perhaps he will bring home one of our cousins and together we will nail him higher to the misery cross.  He'll help us by eating all the sugary stuff he lays those weepy eyes on!  Sugar you see causes inflammation, which will make him feel MORE congested.  Perhaps his head will explode and gets us in the Viral history books!

Kids with runny noses are like candy to us.  They rock our world.  They get us.  First, they have weak immune systems since they've never seen our kind before.  They get us several times a year until their bodies develop their own defenses.  Second, they are natural transmitters.  They have no idea how to deal with snot, not a clue.  They scream at the sight of Kleenex.  We love whatever  instinct commands them to rub their fists across a running nose and then rub that fist in their eyes?  Another favorite is the "hug me Grandma because I want to rub my runny nose on your new Santa sweater."  We teach them how to sneeze just at the right time.  BAM!  Right into Grandpa's eyes!  Yes, we are good.

All that Christmas cheer makes for a night from hell for the host.

12/26/2009 Black Saturday: Just when the poor misearble bastard thought things were getting better we start the throat tickle.  That's the one where he puts his head on the pillow and just can't help but cough.  This is not just the routine clear your throat cough.  No.  This cough originates at the bottom of the souls of his feet.  This cough pulls a stomach muscle.  There's NO WAY he's going to sleep without help.  He gets it from a raised head, Ricola, a lemon juice/mineral water concoction.

Ricola?  Who's the SOB that invented that stuff.  We want to infest him/her!  It helps calm the tickle long enough for him to get some rest, which is the great natural healer.

12/27/2009: We hate Mexican food. :-(  How can he eat that salty crap?  Between the Mexican food, saline rinses, Ricola, lemon juice, mineral water, and turning up the heat at night to at least 72 degrees things are not looking up for me and my friends.  Host is able to smell odors which indicates that the inflammation is contained in the lower sinus region.

12/28/2009: WE are feeling defeated.  Host wakes up today and decides he's going to the gym and sit in the Sauna.  Sauna!?!  We hate Saunas!  They raise the body temperature high enough to destroy us.  Hope he falls asleep and dreams he's on a George Foreman grill.  Doesn't he know he shouldn't go out in public with that Godfather voice?

Our days are numbered but the ride was fun!

12/29-30/2009: Slight sore throat in the morning and tickle in throat with slight cough.  Resuming workouts, but lower intensity.  Sauna and steam room after.  Nose is clear.  Able to smell odors.  Sinuses very clear during spinning class....breathing only through nose on the inhale during 80% max. heart rate work.